


I'm sorry I couldn't save you

by Shirosaki



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, CALUM HAS LUNG CANCER, FUCK, M/M, One Shot, SAD AS SHIT, oh my, omg im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:33:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4894822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirosaki/pseuds/Shirosaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he got to the hospital, he had to cry to himself in the parking lot for ten minutes because he couldn't do this, he couldn't see the love of his life wither away right in front of him. Michael refuses to accept that Calum is diagnosed with a sickness. He refuses to acknowledge it. Even after months of knowing, he still can't accept it. Michael forced himself to get out of bed today to visit Calum, even though he'll probably comment on the bags under Michael's eyes. For the past weeks Michael's gotten zero sleep, he can barely eat anymore knowing his best friend, his boyfriend, is dying slowly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm sorry I couldn't save you

**Author's Note:**

> yikes hello again all my stories are sad as shit what is this HAHAHAHhahaa but yeah   
> if you want full on crying I guess if I make it that sad uh listen to this; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmErRm-vApI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SpyQ67GyPc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY9b6jgbNyc these are the songs I listened to while I wrote this one short so please listen to them while you read this!! (if u can)  
> idk if this is actually sad buT FUCK THE IDEA I HAVE IN MIND WO W   
> BE SURE TO REVIEW PLS!! COMMENT

Michael swallowed the lump in his throat as he sits down in the uncomfortable hospital chair by a plan white bed with wires attached everywhere. At first, Michael doesn't look at the person laying right there in the bed. He avoids looking at the human, he just can't. He's so close to just breaking down right in the middle of the room but he knows Calum will make fun of him even when he's struggling to breathe. When he got to the hospital, he had to cry to himself in the parking lot for ten minutes because he couldn't do this, he couldn't see the love of his life wither away right in front of him. Michael refuses to accept that Calum is diagnosed with a sickness. He refuses to acknowledge it. Even after months of knowing, he still can't accept it. Michael forced himself to get out of bed today to visit Calum, even though he'll probably comment on the bags under Michael's eyes. For the past weeks Michael's gotten zero sleep, he can barely eat anymore knowing his best friend, his boyfriend, is dying slowly. 

The band's been on a break ever since the doctors announced Calum was diagnosed. To Michael, they were already broken up, the dream to rock the world with their new broken scene was over the first day Calum was rushed to the hospital because he collapsed on stage. When Michael rushed over to Calum, he first checked his pulse and his breathing, at that point Michael was for certain Calum and his heart stopped beating. He screamed at the top of his lungs when people tried to take away Calum, he yelled at the people holding him back, he hurt people who were trying to take HIS Calum away from him. His boyfriend was in a need of his help, and he wanted to be with him but the doctors and nurses say he couldn't. Michael was so angry, was angry that this was happening to Calum and not him. But at that time, no one knew what Calum was diagnosed with. The fans thought it was just dehydration or alcohol poisoning. Honestly at that time Michael didn't know what his boyfriend was diagnosed with, he just wanted the tan boy in his arms, alive. 

But this was six months ago, oh how Michael would love to go back six months ago to when everything was almost fine. 

After that, there was another incident, exactly two months after. Calum and Michael were on a date, somewhere that paparazzi couldn't find them. They were just finished going out to eat for lunch at this pizza place and they were holding hands, walking around in the park. Michael remembers kissing Calum multiple times and squeezing his hand to make sure he was there. When they were going to sit down on a bench, Calum stopped breathing, literally. He remembers Calum falling down on the ground, shaking violently because he couldn't breathe. Michael was shocked when he saw this, he couldn't move for a minute and when he could, he quickly called 911. After a day of Michael sleeping and sitting in the chair next to Calum's bed, the doctors finally found out what was wrong with him. He had- 

"Michael?" A hoarse voice breaks his chain of thoughts, a tear slips down his pale cheek as he snaps his head and eyes towards the source. Michael almost breaks out in a sob as he sees Calum there, weak and fragile. 

The tan boy who was known to be full of energy was now slowly turning pale, the life that hung in his eyes and sparkled were now gone and replaced with something dead. His eyes seemed more black than brown now. Calum grew skinny, the muscular body the teen once held was now gone, replaced with skinny arms and bony fingers. Michael couldn't stand seeing the love of his life like this. It was the reason he tried to avoid looking at him, no matter how much it hurt him and Calum's feelings. 

"Yes Calum, I'm here." Michael says, just barely. He clears his throat as he leans over and grasps onto Calum's fragile and bony hand. The pale boy almost believes Calum's dead from how cold his hands are. "Calum- you're hands are cold. Are you warm? I can get you more blankets if you want baby. Just please, tell me if you need anything." 

That breaks a small smile on Calum's face. "Mikey, you don't need to anything for me, I'm fine. Stop worrying you dick." Michael lets out a broken chuckle, even being so weak, he can make jokes. 

"I'm sorry babe, it's just-" Michael lets out a deep sigh. "I'm really worried about you, and you know that I love you so fucking much." The pale boys voice cracks at the end as he finishes speaking. Michael curses his voice as he looks down, closing his eyes slowing making tears fall down. He covers his mouth with his free hand to quiet down the sob, trying to not make Calum worry. 

Michael feels a hand through his hair, cause him to lift his head to find Calum sitting up in the hospital bed. Now that he's up you can see how skinny Calum is now, how he has such a small frame now. "It's okay love, come here." The teen on the bed, scoots over, patting the empty spot signaling Michael to lay down. Michael quickly takes the spot and wraps his arms around Calum and starts sobbing into his shoulder. 

"Why did it have to happen to you?" He lets out a hiccup, burying his face in the crook of Calum's neck, tightening his arms around Calum. Michael hears the tan boy whisper soothing things into his ear and running his fingers through Michael's over-dyed hair. He knows this should be vise-versa, it should be Calum in his arms instead of Michael in Calum's arms. 

"Baby," Calum starts. "I'm fine, I'm going to live through this alright? I promise I'll keep living as long as you are." 

Michael lets out a loud sob, shaking his head. "No-, It's not that I'm afraid you're going to die, it's just I don't want you to experience this, this pain!" 

The tan boy lets out a deep sigh, rubbing Michael's back. "Did Luke and Ashton come?" Michael quickly shakes his head. The two never visit, barely. It's not that they don't want to, it's just they can't handle seeing Calum like this. 

All of a sudden, Michael is pulling back, making him confused. "Michael Gordon Clifford." He winces at his first name. "What are those bags doing under your eyes? We've talked about this, you will sleep even though I'm not there." 

"I-"

"And what're you doing with my clothes on! I told you not to wear my clothes, especially that sweatshirt, that's my favorite." 

Michael couldn't help but grin at his boyfriend, he was wearing Calum's jeans, t-shirt and sweatshirt cause it smelled like him. "I'm sorry, they smelled liked you." 

Calum lets out a huff, "Well-" His voice gets cut off by the door opening making both of their heads look toward the person stepping in. "Hey Nancy!" The tan boy says, putting on an innocent smile. 

The nurse narrows her eyes at Michael, making the boy glance at the floor. "Calum, you know visitors aren't allowed on the bed." She states, walking over to side Michael's not on. The pale boy sighs, slowly getting up and flopping on the uncomfortable chair once again. 

"So, what brings you here today?" Calum asks, completely ignoring what the nurse just said before.   
"I have to take your blood pressure and then the doctor has to talk to you after."   
Calum's face turns blank after she says that, it makes Michael worry about what it means when people say 'the doctor has to talk to you'. "That's-" Michael's eyes widen, no this couldn't happen, not now. His hearth is clenching in pain as he sees Calum claw at his chest, struggling to breathe. The nurse's eyes widen, immediately hitting the red button on the little remote attached to the bed.

Michael's eyes start to water, how could he forget? Calum needs an oxygen tank to breathe, to live. When he hugged Calum it came undone, his boyfriend was suffering to breathe all this time just to make sure Michael was okay. The pale boy curls up in the chair, covering up his face as he lets out broken sobs, ignoring all the nurses running around in the room. It's his fault, his fucking fault Calum's in pain. It's all his fault that Calum has lung cancer in both of his lungs and they don't know how to fix it. Michael starts to hyperventilate right in the middle of the room, it's all his fault. His heart hurts so fucking bad, he hates it, why does Calum have to die? 

The least Calum has is two months, the tan boy tries to tell Michael he's going to make it, but he knows he wont. Life sucks without Calum, he doesn't want to live it, he doesn't want to experience it. 

When the commotion dies down and Calum is passed out with an oxygen mask over him, Michael shakily gets up and starts walking out the door. "I love you Cal." He whispers to nothing as he closes the door behind him.


End file.
